Reader’s Request Fridays: Remembering To Remember
Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays. As a reminder, I’ll be addressing one reader email per week, so if you have a specific question you’d like answered or a topic you’d like covered, please email me. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.
Today our question comes from Dave*. He writes,
“I have read lots of stuff about mindful breathing. I have a temper and I think it would be helpful for me to use it. BUT I don’t ever remember to stop myself and take a deep breath. How can I help myself remember?”
This is an excellent question Dave! I think most people are aware of the benefits of breathwork. Mindful breathing has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety, support calm, and promote feelings of vitality and aliveness. Taking the time to slow down and focus on your breath can be helpful in countless situations, whether it be when you are feeling depressed, when you are having negative thoughts about yourself, when you feel strong emotions, or when you are feeling you anger rise. Despite all of the evidence we have supporting the effectiveness of mindful breathing, most of us don’t do it. One of the main reasons for this is exactly as you have noted in your question – that it’s too hard to remember to breathe!
Starting any new habit takes consciousness and effort. Generally, I think the best way to start incorporating mindful breathing into your life is to get yourself into the habit of doing it multiple times a day. I have a few simple suggestions to try if you would like to help yourself remember to turn to mindful breathing.
- Start small. Dave is right that mindful breathing can be of great assistance when you are feeling anger or other strong emotions. But those moments are usually too intense to start trying to implement a new behavior right away. Instead, try to start practicing mindful breathing during more neutral times for a few weeks, just to get the habit started. It will be a lot easier to remember to breathe when you are sitting at work having a normal day than it will be to remember when you feel like you are about to punch someone.
- Pair it with something that is already a habit. Think of another behavior that you do every day. It may be eating breakfast, taking a shower, or taking a medication. Aim to practice mindful breathing at the same time you do your other activity.
- Wear something unusual to remind you to breathe. Place an elastic on your wrist or a ring on your finger. Every time you notice that you’re wearing something different than usual, use that as a cue to remember to breathe.
- Set a timer. Program the alarm on your cell phone to go off at several times during the day. Practice breathing at those times, even if you are not feeling anything particularly strong during those moments.
*Names have been changed for privacy