The Weekend Sexperiment: The Touch Map, Revisited
Welcome to The Weekend Sexperiment! Each Friday, I alternate between The Weekend Sexperiment and Reader’s Request Fridays. In TWS posts, I offer a simple sex therapy homework assignment to try out over the weekend. Some experiments are geared towards couples, but others are suitable for single folks. As always, please feel free to contact me if you have a certain topic you’d like to see covered. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.
This week I’m revisiting one of my most popular posts, the touch map. I’ve gotten a few requests for even more ideas for working with the touch map. Read through the suggestions below, and pick one to try out this weekend, with or without a partner.
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Use the touch map to identify how comfortable you feel with that particular part of your body. You may want to consider your body image at this particular moment. Are you embarrassed by the size of your thighs, the hairiness of your back, or the presence of love handles? Think about how past injuries or illnesses have influenced your level of comfort with your body. Perhaps you hate one of your scars, are immobilized by the loss of your legs, or are appreciative that your hand has fully recovered from surgery. Consider memories of how others have interacted with your body. These may include fond memories – for example, a past lover lovingly stroking your hair – or memories of harm or abuse. As you comb through all of this history, try to identify how you feel in the present moment.
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Use the map as an opportunity for exploration. Instead of coming up with labels before being touched, wait until you have been touched to make a note. Have your partner choose different parts of your body to touch, then rank them afterwards on the map. Ask your partner to try touching you in a few new ways, and think about how you would quantify the experience afterwards. Try to be as open as you can to new experiences and sensations, while of course respecting your own boundaries.
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Use the map to identify which parts of your body you want to learn more about. Many people – women especially – know very little about how their genitals work. You may also feel curious about other “taboo” parts of the body, like the anus or the armpits. It doesn’t have to be entirely sexual – maybe you realize you don’t know much about how your ears work, or you’ve always wondered why teeth are shaped the way that they are.
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Use the map to think about how frequently your partner touches you in certain areas. You can work with a scale from 1 (“never”) – 5 (“every day”). Once you’ve made the map, think about how you feel about it. Maybe you love that your partner holds your hand almost every day. Perhaps you wish your partner would touch your back more frequently.