The Weekend Sexperiment: Finding Your Body’s Happy Place

December 20,2013

Welcome to The Weekend Sexperiment! Each Friday, I alternate between The Weekend Sexperiment and Reader’s Request Fridays. In TWS posts, I offer a simple sex therapy homework assignment to try out over the weekend. Some experiments are geared towards couples, but others are suitable for single folks. As always, please feel free to contact me if you have a certain topic you’d like to see covered. If you’re interested in more Sexperiments, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a Sexploration Session.

I spent one of my mornings this week on a long walk in a park. I was meandering around, thinking about my to-do list for the rest of the day. Noticing my brain start to go into overdrive mode, I took a few deep breaths, and gently pushed aside my thoughts. I looked out around me and started appreciating my surroundings – smelling the fresh air, savoring my cup of tea, taking in the beautiful scenery around me.

I realized that my body felt perfectly joyful in that particular moment. My legs felt strong, my shoulders were back, my skin was toasty under all of my layers, and my feet were pleasantly crunching the leaves beneath me. My body felt alive, radiant, peaceful, and just plain happy.

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It was a simple moment, but a powerful one, and it made me start thinking of how infrequently most of us feel comfortable and settled in our bodies.

I see bodily disconnection all the time. We retreat to our brains because we’re too busy, too stressed, or too distracted. Most of us tend to feel more comfortable up in our heads, where we imagine things are more rational and logical (nevermind that we end up spending most of our time in our heads spinning through thoughts and agonizing over decisions!).

Some of us don’t see any use to being in our bodies. Others feel so much disdain or embarrassment of their bodies that they won’t venture down below the neck. Many of us have had experiences of our bodies not being safe places to be. There was just a story in the news about a tourist who walked straight into the ocean in Australia because she was so busy reading Facebook updates that she literally forgot she had a body.

Honestly, when was the last time you felt fully present in your body?

The notion of trying to spend more time in your body is a perplexing one for most people. Most folks have spent so much time in their heads that they literally don’t understand what it means to be in their body. Others are unsure how to make that transition happen; it feels more like a magic trick than something easily achievable.

I have found that one of the easiest ways to start to shifting your energy down into your body is to find the times that your body is the happiest. It’s usually easy to identify when your mind is excited and engaged – you may love doing a crossword puzzle, talking to a friend, getting praised for a project at work, or reading a thought-provoking book. But do you know when your body tends to be the most joyful?

This weekend, your Sexperiment is to find some of your body’s happy places and activities. As you move through the weekend, try to check in with your body at different times.

What you’re looking for is the ability to feel your body more easily and readily than you usually do. We’re looking to answer the question, “what does my body like doing?”

Say you’re reading the morning paper. Take a moment to see if you can feel your body. You may have a hard time feeling anything, or you may realize that your body is curled up in a very cosy and comfortable position. If you’re able to notice your body’s enjoyment, or feel a connection to your body, you’re on the right path.

Try feeling into your body during some of these activities:

Happy Sexperimenting!