Making Your Ideal Sex Life Real
This post is a follow-up to last week’s The Weekend Sexperiment.
This week, I want to invite you to explore how you can make your ideal encounter a reality.
First you’ll need to take another look at your story, and pick apart all of the unique aspects of the experience. Download and print out a copy of the attached worksheet before getting started.
You’re going to divide your ideal experiences into four categories:
Things that aren’t logistically possible
There may be plenty of aspects of your fantasy that aren’t logistically possible. You may fantasize about being a king or queen, in a different era of time, contorting your body in ways that just don’t work, or being with an unobtainable partner.
For all of the parts of your ideal experience that aren’t possible, try to think of a compromise. If you can’t afford a luxury yacht, could you pretend that your bedroom is actually one of the cabins? See if you can get creative here!
Things you’re afraid to do
There are also bound to be aspects of your ideal experience that scare, embarrass, or shame you. Maybe you fantasize about being dominated, being with someone of the opposite sex, or trying a new position.
For each part of your ideal sex experience that makes you pause, take a moment to sit with it and get curious about why it scares you. Is it because you’ve never done it before? Because it’s considered taboo? Because you’ve had a bad experience with it before?
Next, take a few moments to consider if you want this fear to continue to be a part of your life. Think about what your life could look like if you didn’t have it.
Things you feel relatively comfortable doing
Take a few moments to acknowledge the aspects of your fantasy life that you already feel comfortable with. You may be creative with sex toys, great at performing oral sex, or comfortable with roleplaying. Good for you!
See if you can think of one way you can keep prioritizing that action so it remains a regular part of your sex life.
Things you need to learn more about
Finally, there may be a few things from your ideal encounter that you need a little more information about. You may have fantasized about polyamory, but not know that much about what it entails.
If you have anything like that in your ideal sexual encounter, take the time to think about how you can learn more. You could buy a book, attend a workshop, or try a therapy session!