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Why You Should Talk To Your Partner About Your Sexual Abuse, And How To Do It

I recently got this question from a reader of my Bustle articles:
“I’m a victim of rape. At the moment, I’m single, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my next relationship. With my most recent ex, I never knew how to enjoy sex. I would just lay there feeling squeamish and shut down. It feels like this thing that comes so naturally to everyone else doesn’t come naturally to me. I know my ex never enjoyed having sex with me, and I’m afraid my next partner won’t like it, either. I would like sex to be better in my next relationship, but I have no clue where to start. Do I need to tell my next partner about my rape? How and when would I even do that?”

In my practice, I work with a lot of sexual abuse and assault survivors (so many that I’ve actually put together an online course – A Survivor’s Guide To Reclaiming Your Sex Life After Abuse). My goal when working with survivors, in addition to helping them figure out how to process the assault itself, is to help them learn how to have safe and pleasurable sex lives (the same goal I have when working with any client). Here are seven things for survivors to keep in mind when thinking about your next relationship.

What Do Women Really Want?

Today I’m excited to share that I’ve put together a brand new freebie for (heterosexual) men. Specifically, for men who are struggling with performance anxiety issues like erectile problems, orgasming quickly, taking a long time to orgasm, or not orgasming at all.

When your penis seems to be operating with a mind of its own, it’s easy to get overly fixated on it. You start thinking that the only way to please your partner is to have perfect control over your erection and orgasmic timing.

But that’s just not true.

Unrealistic Sexual Expectations That Women Have Of Men

Do you have sexual double-standards when it comes to sex?

Over at my column for Bustle, I recently got asked about unfair sexual expectations that women have of men. My column over there tends to focus on women’s struggles with sex, so it was interesting to get to share a bit of what I know from the male perspective.

What It’s Really Like To Be A Sex Therapist

Redbook magazine recently reached out and asked if they could interview me about what it’s really like to be a sex therapist. I’m used to getting lots of questions about what my job is like, and I always jump at the opportunity to clear up some of the misconceptions about sex therapy. So I did an hour-long interview with one of their staff writers, and they turned it into this fun feature!

One of my favorite parts of the interview was talking about the misconceptions people have about my sex life.

Nine Ways To Give Her A Night She’ll Never Forget

You don’t want to be ‘fine’ in bed. You don’t want to be good in bed either. You want to be extraordinary. You want to be the guy she never forgets. The guy who did the things she rarely, if ever, experiences. The guy who made her body feel electric. Here are nine tips for doing just that.

Ready To Learn How To Orgasm With A Partner?

I’m excited to share that Finishing School: Orgasm With A Partner is now open! Finishing School: Orgasm With A Partner is an offshoot of the original version…

Never Fake Another Orgasm

Let’s get real – every time you fake an orgasm, a little piece of you dies, doesn’t it?

Faked orgasms are the worst.

I know this because I’ve faked plenty of orgasms myself.

They’re unsatisfying, since you’re obviously not having a real orgasm. They’re distracting in the moment. They make you feel resentful of your partner. They make you feel angry at yourself. They make you lose hope that you’ll ever be able to have a real orgasm. They make you feel broken.

And the worst part is that they don’t even get rid of the pressure you feel to orgasm – they just translate it into pressure to put on a convincing performance.

I want to help you put an end to all of this frustration, anxiety, and hopelessness, so I’ve put together a free resource called Never Fake Another Orgasm.

A Behind-The-Scenes Finishing School Secret

I’m really serious about the privacy of my clients, so I don’t usually talk about what goes on behind the scenes of my sex therapy and coaching business.

Are You Sabotaging Your Orgasm With Your Thoughts?

Over at my Bustle column, I recently got this question from a reader: “I’ve never had an orgasm, on my own or with another person. I’m…