Seven Ways To Initiate Sex That Will Make Your Partner Want To Say “Yes!”
Be honest: you’re not very comfortable initiating sex, are you?
In the not-too-distant past, you may have initiated sex by clumsily groping at your partner like a horny teenager. Or maybe you found yourself mumbling, “I guess it’s been a while. Should we do it?” Or maybe you tried to give your partner “the look”, but they had no idea you were trying to invite them into the bedroom.
No judgments here! It’s hard to initiate sex, and most of us aren’t particularly skillful at it.
But I want to help you get much, much better at it. Let’s talk about how to initiate sex in a way that will make your partner actually want to say “yes!”
Take Inspiration From The Past
Jot down a list of four or five of your hottest sexual experiences with your partner, then try to look for similarities in how those experiences were initiated.
Maybe you surprised your partner with a romantic set-up at home. Maybe you spent the day sending naught text messages to each other. Maybe you initiated in the morning.
This can be a fun conversation to have with your partner too! Ask your partner if they have any favorite memories of ways you initiate sex. Share your favorite memories of your partner initiating too.
Give Lots Of Compliments
Make your initiation feel more personal by telling your partner exactly why you want them in that moment. Compliment your partner, your relationship, or the sexual connection the two of you share.
Say something like:
“Your ass looks so incredible in those pants. I want to get my hands all over it.”
“I can’t control myself when I see you stepping out of the shower.”
“I can’t believe how lucky I am to get to look at you every day.”
“I love how close I feel to you when we’re in bed together.”
Help Your Partner Relax
Some people need a bit of time to unwind and get excited for sex.
If your partner tends to have a hard time relaxing, ask them, “What can I do to take care of you tonight?” or “What can I take off your plate right now?”
Better yet, suggest something specific that you know your partner would appreciate, like, “I’m going to take the dog on a walk. You just stay here and kick up your feet.”
If your partner has been sorely lacking alone time, try to support them in getting some. Try, “I know how much you love baths. Want me to draw you one?”
Be A Tease
Drawing out your initiation can be really freaking hot. It gives both of you the chance to prepare for sex mentally and build anticipation.
Send your partner a text during the day saying, “I’m wearing those underwear you love. See you tonight!” Or parade around in said skivvies but tell your partner you’re “off limits” until later that evening.
You can try stringing initiation and foreplay out over the entire day, by exchanging kisses and touches, then tauntingly walking away.
Be Sentimental
Talk about some of your favorite sexual memories when you initiate sex.
Say something like, “Do you remember that time in Hawaii where we didn’t leave the bed all day long? What do you say we try to repeat that this weekend?” Or, “I can’t stop thinking about how incredibly sexy you looked on our last anniversary.”
Be Sexy
When you’re dating or early in a relationship, initiating sex was insanely erotic and passionate.
As time goes by with the same partner, that intensity tends to fade.
It’s understandable, but of course unfortunate. We all want to feel wanted by our partners, even if we’ve spend more of our lives with them than without.
Try to channel some of that original passion you used to feel for your partner. Help your partner feel as wanted by you as they used to.
Bust out that move you used to do all the time but haven’t in a while. Maybe on your first date, you pushed your partner up against their door and kissed her until you were both panting. Or maybe you’ve forgotten how much your partner loves when you sneak up and kiss the back of his neck. Or channel your intensity through your words. Tell your partner, “I need to have you right now” or “I’ve been driving myself crazy thinking about you all day.”
Of course, being this direct can feel super vulnerable, but nurturing passion in a relationship is important enough to run these risks!
Be Playful
Initiating sex doesn’t always have to be so serious!
You might feel way more comfortable (and even way more sexy) being silly and playful.
A friend of mine once shared a technique she learned from her favorite TV show: Either she or her partner would text a simple question mark to the other during the day when they were both at work, which was a signal that they were interested in having sex later. The other one would respond with an exclamation point if they were in the mood. It made them both laugh, but it still felt enticing.
Or try making bets where the winner gets an-extra special prize. For example, “If the Niners beat the Seahawks, I’ll give you a blowjob.”
You don’t need to strategize or overanalyze every single interaction with your partner. Rolling over to their side of the bed for some lazy Sunday morning sex is great.
But it is nice to initiate sex with a little extra effort every once in a while. It helps your partner realize what makes sex between the two of you so special, and makes them want to hop into bed with you!