The Weekend Sexperiment: Stop Multitasking
I’m willing to bet that at least half of you who are reading this article are multitasking right in this very moment.
Maybe you’re standing in line waiting for the bus, listening to your mom, or – gasp – reading your phone on the toilet. So many of us are guilty of worshipping at the throne of multitasking.
We love multitasking because it makes us feel like we’re somehow “beating the system”. It makes us think of ourselves as superheros, cramming five tasks into the space of one, or as machines, rhythmically churning out mini accomplishments. Multitasking makes us feel superior to others who can’t juggle their to-do lists as well as we can.
What we don’t realize is that multitasking is actually hurting our brains, our relationships, and our lives. Trying to do multiple things at the same time seriously hampers our mind’s ability to focus.
A friend of mine recently summed this up in a wonderfully succinct way – “Focus is like a muscle that requires training.” The more you multitask, the weaker your focusing muscle gets. Our brains become scattered and hyperactive.
Research on multitasking has shown that our brain doesn’t have the ability to focus on multiple tasks at once. We may be able to half-ass a couple of tasks at the same time, but in actuality, we’re not doing any of those tasks particularly well.
This inability to focus also harms our relationships because it makes it harder to interact with our partners without simultaneously working on or thinking about something else.
This is particularly true when it comes to sex – it’s impossible to enjoy intimacy when either you or your partner aren’t present or engaged. If your brain has been trained to work through a million different tasks at once, it’s going to be impossible for you to slow down and enjoy sex.
Think of a time when you were intimate with someone and could tell that they weren’t fully there mentally. Or recall a time when you got distracted during sex. I’m willing to bet that neither one of those memories is particularly pleasant.
And finally, multitasking endangers our health and our sanity. Multitasking has been shown to significantly boost the levels of stress hormones in our bodies. When we are used to multitasking regularly, our brains start to become muddled. We don’t have the attention span to pay attention to or truly enjoy our lives. The high highs and the low lows get cut out, and we get stuck in a bland, beige-y existence.
Still not convinced of the dangers of multitasking? I’ve got three words for you: texting while driving.
Now, I can spout off a whole bunch of facts about multitasking, but I’ll be honest with you – I understand its allure all too well. I’m able to write about the perils of doing five things at once because I have been woefully guilty of multitasking. I’ve dictated articles to my phone while washing the dishes. I’ve sent emails while walking my dog. I’ve plowed through my Facebook feed while watching TV. I’ve multitasked when it seemed like it was the only way to complete all of my tasks for the day, and I’ve multitasked when there was absolutely no reason to do so (see checking Facebook while watching TV).
My multitasking had gotten a little out of control in the past couple of months, due to a number of projects that I have in the pipeline. I’ve been so excited that my mind had been pretty consistently on overdrive. The timing of this weekend’s Sexperiment was very much called for. I always personally try out each of my Sexperiments, and this one’s no different.
I’ve been actively trying to cut down on my multitasking for the last couple of years, but I decided to try to go cold-turkey for a week. Yep – one whole week of only trying to do or think about one thing at a time.
I’ll admit that I didn’t fully succeed. I did silly little things like reading an article on my phone while cooking dinner and making an errand list while attempting to meditate.
I noticed how many of my multitasking infractions involved my phone.
But somehow the universe seemed to align in support of my multitasking ban. When I was successful at focusing on one task at a time, I noticed how much more I enjoyed that activity. Even things that aren’t normally very pleasant, like making the bed or going to the post office, felt lighter and easier. I discovered that there was something almost meditative about the little details of these tasks, like getting the sheets tucked in evenly or carefully filling out an address label. My stress level decreased, and I found myself breathing more deeply. I had lots of wonderfully connected moments with my husband.
And, in a display of the universe’s sense of humor, I kept accidentally dropping my phone. How’s that for symbolism?
So this weekend (or the full week, if you’re brave), I encourage you to go cold-turkey with multitasking. Only allow yourself to do one task at a time. Only allow yourself to think about one topic at a time. If you’re doing a task, only think about that task, or try not thinking at all. If you’re going to look at your phone, devote your full attention to it for a minute, then return to devoting your full attention to something else. Make an extra effort to avoid multitasking around your partner.
If you catch your mind starting to go into overdrive, or notice yourself itching to do two things at once, don’t beat yourself up. Instead of getting frustrated, try taking a slow, deep breath, and gently bringing yourself back to the present moment.
After the experiment is up, try to see if you can cut down on your multitasking. Let’s be realistic here – you’re not going to be able to go cold turkey for the rest of your life. That’s OK! You can feel very real differences even from small decreases in your multitasking habits.
When you notice yourself multitasking and it feels unavoidable, take a second to at least acknowledge that you’re multitasking. By taking this step, you’re bringing an extra dose of mindfulness to your multitasking, which will help you decrease the behavior even more.
Happy Sexperimenting!