Reader’s Request Fridays: How To Choose The Right Sexpert
This week’s question comes from Rachel,* who writes, “I’m looking for help with a personal sexual matter. In my online research, I have found the titles: sex therapist, sex coach, sexual surrogate, intimacy expert, dating coach, sex educator. What do all of these titles mean and how do I know what is best for me?”
This is an excellent question! Sex therapy is still a relatively new field, and it can be difficult to sort out what all of the different names mean.
Unlike other professional fields, there isn’t a lot of standardization in sex therapy.
When you go see a lawyer, you know that lawyer has had specific legal training, has passed a qualifying exam, has to abide by specific legal and ethical guidelines, and is licensed and monitored by a professional organization.
There is no equivalent in the sex therapy realm – no licensing board, no standardized training, and no required guidelines. That’s why it’s so important to be a knowledgeable client when picking someone with whom to work!
Sex therapist
This is the trickiest title of them all. Anyone can call themselves a sex therapist, regardless of their training or education.
However, you can not advertise your services as “therapy” unless you have specific post-graduate training in Psychology.
So someone without any psychology training could call themselves a sex therapist, but could not say that they provide therapy. Confusing, right?
When looking for a sex therapist, search for someone who has either a Master’s or Doctoral degree in Psychology, and specific training in working with sexuality.
A sex therapist with these qualifications will have the most training creating a safe space, listening carefully and empathetically, and helping you explore the issues at hand.
Sex therapists are great if you are currently in a relationship and want to explore sexual concerns with your partner, have any shame or hang-ups around sexuality, have a history of difficult sexual experiences or abuse, or are curious about how you express yourself sexually.
Many sex therapists also provide sexual education and teach sexual skills.
This group is the most well-rounded of the bunch.
Sex coach
Coaches do not have to have psychological education or training in providing therapy. They may have completed a sexuality training program like the fantastic one provided by San Francisco Sex Information, or they can have no training at all.
They tend to focus on teaching specific skills. Sex coaches generally do not delve into any sort of history, and spend less time on the emotional aspects of sex, as they are not licensed to provide therapy.
Since sex coaches don’t have to follow the same legal and ethical guidelines of psychotherapists, they can incorporate touch or nudity into their sessions (with the client’s permission or request). Not all coaches do this, however.
Dating coaches and intimacy experts also tend to fall into this category.
Sex coaches are great if you want to learn how to improve your technique and don’t need or want to delve any deeper.
When looking for a coach, search for someone who clearly displays their education, and is upfront about discussing what sessions will and will not entail.
Sex educator
As the name implies, sex educators are more focused on disseminating accurate information about sexuality. They can teach you biology, anatomy, sexual health, and safe sex.
They don’t need to have any particular training; some are self-taught, while others may have undergraduate or graduate-level degrees in human sexuality or public health.
Some educators do offer sex coaching, but most tend to stay in the academic arena. Sex educators might teach college courses, present at community centers, write newspaper columns, or host podcasts.
If you want to learn more about a certain topic, say for example, safer sex practices, you could find a workshop or webinar led by a sex educator.
Sexual surrogate
Surrogates tend to be the most underground of the group. Sexual surrogates typically engage in sexual activity with their clients, with the belief that it’s easier to show someone how to do something than it is to tell them.
Sexual surrogates don’t need to have any specific training or experience, and their work is generally illegal.
Sexual surrogacy was the focus of the recent move, The Sessions. It’s beyond the scope of this article to discuss the merits and drawbacks of sexual surrogacy, but it is an option that is available.
I hope this helps you in your quest for the right person. As always, my best recommendation is to take your time and look for someone with whom you can truly feel comfortable.
* Names changed for privacy