Reader’s Request Fridays: Sex Toy Basics
Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays. As a reminder, I’ll be addressing one reader email per week, so if you have a specific question you’d like answered or a topic you’d like covered, please email me. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.
This week’s question comes from a woman I recently spoke with at an event. After finding out that I work in the sex therapy field, the woman confided that she has recently been considering experimenting with a sex toy for the first time in her life. She wanted a quick rundown on the more basic types of sex toys. I mentioned this blog, and asked if I could use her request for a column.
In this article, I cover the types of toys that are best for someone who has never used a sex toy before. Make sure to check out my other article about ways to incorporate these toys into your sex life.
Want to view my top recommendations?
Check out my curated collection right here!
Vibrators
The Basics: The most prominent member of the sex toy family is the vibrator. Vibrators typically come in one of two shapes: the bullet or the phallus.
Bullets are small, egg-shaped orbs that can be pressed directly against the clitoris. You can also buy harnesses for bullets that will keep the vibrator strapped in place.
Phallus-shaped vibrators can be inserted vaginally or held against the clitoris. Many also come with an additional prong in the front that is designed to stimulate the clitoris. Some have two extra prongs: one for the clitoris and one for the anus.
All vibrators are equipped with a motor that makes the toy pulsate. The vibrations are generally what lead to orgasm.
How To Choose: Look for high-quality vibrators made out of body safe materials like medical-grade silicone. It’s best to get one with a powerful motor that comes with a variety of settings.
I recommend trying a clitoral bullet and a phallus-shaped vibrator so you can get a sense of which shape you prefer.
If privacy is a concern, you might want to test out the volume of the motors before purchase!
Lubricant
The Basics: Lubricant is often overlooked as a sexual aid, which is unfortunate because it can contribute to a more exciting sex life in a variety of ways. Some of the most frequent complaints I hear about bad sex can be easily rectified through the use of lube.
Lubricants are liquid formulas that coat the surface of skin and greatly reduce friction and tugging. They create a slippery sensation that allows you to glide along the surface of the skin more easily. They are available in water, silicone, or oil based varieties.
How To Choose: Most sex toy shops allow you to sample the feel of a wide variety of lubricants. If you can, test several lubes out on the back of your hands. Look for a formula that is not sticky or greasy, and does not evaporate quickly. You want something that feels smooth and hydrating on your skin.
Make sure you check the ingredients list when choosing a lubricant. Oil-based varieties should not be used with condoms because oil breaks down latex.
Water-based lube is easy to clean, but many water-based varieties contain glycerin, which can cause yeast infections.
Silicone-based lubes are more expensive, but tend to last longer, feel silkier, and leave less residue.
You get what you pay for when it comes to lubricant, so it helps to splurge if you can. Lube lasts a long time, so even a bottle that seems expensive will end up being a good investment!
PC Balls
The Basics: PC balls are a fun option for women. This sex toy consists of two small plastic or metal balls attached to a string. You insert them into your vagina, and your vaginal muscles hold the balls in place (don’t worry, they won’t slip out).
The weight of the PC balls serves to exercise your PC – or Kegel – muscles, which are located within the vagina. You can feel these muscles when you cut off your flow of urine.
Tightening these muscles leads to more sensation during sex, greater orgasmic capacity, and even less menstrual pain.
How To Choose: Look for balls that are made out of a high-quality, body safe materials. The string should be long, durable, and coated.
Male Masturbators
The Basics: Masturbators are silicone sleeves that men can place over their penises during masturbation. Some are designed to look like vaginas, and most have some sort of studded surface to provide additional stimulation. The point of a masturbator is to recreate the sensation of sex during masturbation.
How To Choose: Again, high-quality, body safe materials are very important!
If you can, touch the interior of the masturbator to get a sense of the type of stimulation it will provide. Look for a toy that can open on both ends for easy cleanup.
Cock Rings
The Basics: Cock rings are, as the name would suggest, rings that you place over your penis! By constricting the blood flow at the base of the penis, they promote more rigid erections, and can help men last longer.
They come in a range of diameters and widths, and can be found in metal, leather, neoprene, or silicone. Some come with attached bullet vibrators.
How To Choose: Stretchy or neoprene cock rings are the easiest types to start out with, but it is really a matter of personal preference for the man.
If the ring isn’t stretchy, make sure if has an easy-to-use snap closure. Do not purchase a cock ring that is difficult to open and close. Look for a material that is easy to clean.
If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, you may want to consider a ring with a bullet vibrator for added stimulation for your partner.
Bondage Toys
The Basics: Typical bondage fare includes whips, blindfolds, restraints, and paddles.
How To Choose: If you’re shy or inexperienced, start with something simple like a blindfold.
Since there are such a wide variety of toys in this category, take a look around a sex shop and see if anything in particular catches your eye.
Novelty Items
The Basics: There are an endless number of unique items that fall into this category. A quick perusal through a popular sex toy website turns up sexy dice, edible underwear, sex coupons, costumes, erotic jewelry, massagers, fur mitts, hot wax, edible body paint or erotic board games.
How To Choose: Since most novelty items are relatively inexpensive, it doesn’t hurt to try out a few things that pique your interest. A “sexy” board game might end up being more silly than arousing, but it could be an amusing way to bond with your partner.
Ready for your own toy?
Check out my curated collection of favorites!