The Most Effective Sex Tip I Have EVER Given
Want to know the single-most effective sex tip I’ve ever given my clients?
Touch more.
I know, it sounds unbelievably simple. But touching more often in your relationship has the power to transform your sex life in ways you never even dreamed possible.
This month’s topic is trying new things in the bedroom, so I want to talk about how touch plays a role in doing that.
When you initially think about spicing up your sex life, touch might not be one of the first things that comes to mind. Most people think they need to do more elaborate stuff, like buying expensive new sex toys or sharing secret fantasies they’ve never told anyone before.
But even though touch sounds simple, there are so many different types of touch: caresses, massages, hugs, cuddles, embraces, tickles, and so on. And so many different places you could touch: hands, feet, backs, faces, shoulders, arms, legs, and more. And there are so many different messages you can convey with your touch: love, relaxation, seduction, sympathy, playfulness, desire, and so on and so on.
Bringing more touch into your relationship is a fantastic way to create a sense of newness and excitement in the bedroom, and open up space for the two of you to explore even more. Here’s how.
Reason #1 – Touch is exciting!
First, there’s the reality that touch itself can feel amazing!
Do you remember the first few times your partner ever touched you? Do you remember the thrill of that skin-to-skin contact? Just a simple touch could light you on fire.
Even once that initial thrill wears off, many touch techniques can feel even sexier and more pleasurable than sex techniques.
There are so many ways to experiment with touch in the bedroom. You could spend an entire month spicing things up without even having sex!
Reason #2 – Touch is less intimidating
You’ve heard the advice to “try new things in the bedroom” plenty of times. But if you’re like most people, you never follow through on that advice because it feels intimidating!
It’s vulnerable to put yourself out there and do anything new, much less trying to do something new in the bedroom. You might worry about making yourself look foolish or doing it wrong.
But trying new techniques for touch can feel a lot less intimidating than trying new techniques for sex. Touch is an easy thing to be good at.
If you focus on trying new things with touch, you’ll feel less pressure and less perfectionism. And that will open you up to experimenting even more.
Reason #3 – Touch increases your desire
If you want to try new things in the bedroom, you both have to feel the desire to be intimate in the first place!
Some people have Responsive sex drives, which means they won’t feel the mental desire to have sex until they’re already physically aroused.
If you ask a Responsive sex drive type, “do you want to have sex?”, they will almost always say “no”, because they just won’t feel the mental desire in that moment.
But if you start cuddling, touching, and kissing, their desire will naturally emerge, and they’ll want to keep going. Touch opens up the door.
If you want to bring more touch into your relationship, here’s one easy way to do it: for the next week, try to carve out 10 minutes a day to spend together privately, in your bedroom, just holding each other, touching, and kissing.
Don’t think of this time as “foreplay.” The idea is to enjoy physical contact simply for the sake of physical contact.
When your time is up, leave your bedroom. See what it’s like to continue your day or night after having had this physical contact with each other.
It sounds simple, I know, but the truth is that most relationships are so touch-starved that just this one exercise has the power to make a big impact on your sex life.
If you’re interested in more ideas for incorporating touch into your relationship…