Introducing The Sex Challenge!
There’s no nice way to say this: We were having boring sex.
It was 11:30 at night on a Tuesday. We were valiantly trying to be intimate, but we were both so exhausted that neither of us could do much else other than slide into our old, familiar routine with each other. So we were having boring sex.
It wasn’t horrible sex, but it was boooring.
“What do you want to do?” he asked me. I knew he was bored too, and the question was a half-hearted attempt to make things more exciting.
But the question made me freeze in the moment. I just didn’t have the energy or the creativity to come up with a good answer.
And if I’m being fully honest, I was a little annoyed that the pressure was being put on me to come up with an idea in the moment.
“I don’t know.” I responded. So we just kept having boring sex…
Sound familiar?
Every couple I have ever worked with has complained about boring sex. (And yes, even sex therapists have to battle against bedroom boredom!)
Having boring sex is easy. If you’ve been with your partner for a while, you have a routine with each other, and it’s easy to default to that over and over again. Doing something different can feel like it takes too much energy and creativity, especially at 11:30 on a Tuesday night!
Plus, sex is a sensitive topic, and sometimes it can feel easier to just do what we know and not venture out of our comfort zones.
It’s so easy to slip into these ruts, but that doesn’t make the ruts themselves feel any better. Feeling bored with your partner in the bedroom really sucks.
It makes you nostalgic for those early days of your relationship when things were so much more varied and exciting.
It makes you worry about your compatibility, especially long-term. Can you really spend years, decades having sex like this?
You have boring sex because you think you don’t have the energy for more exciting sex, but somehow the boring sex drains your energy even more!
So what’s the solution?
You know it already. To try new things in the bedroom.
I know, I know, it sounds like generic advice. But sometimes advice sounds generic because it’s just so true.
Trying something new has been scientifically proven to be one of the best ways to keep a relationship fresh and exciting – both inside and outside of the bedroom.
When you try new things, you get to see your partner in a new light. It feels like you’re dating each other again, still getting to know each other. Things feel fresh and new instead of stale.
There’s a funny kind of inertia that kicks in too. Once you start trying new things in the bedroom, it feels easier to keep being creative.
You also get to feel like you’re important to your partner, since you recognize the effort involved in getting out of your comfort zones.
But if you’re like most people, you don’t think about trying something new until you’re in the middle of boring sex.
In the moment, you ask your partner that dreaded question, “what do you want to do?” But by then, it’s just too late to be creative.
So what can you do instead?
Well, I’ve got a few ideas for you. 63, to be specific.
The first is to create a Google Doc that both you and your partner have access to. Whenever you think of a new idea that you want to try together in the bedroom, add it to the doc. That way you have a running list that you can come back to whenever you want! It keeps the ideas at the forefront of your mind, so you’re more likely to think about them. It’s a super simple but very effective trick.
The other 62 ideas are a part of a brand new challenge that I’ve put together for you!
I’m inviting you and your partner to rekindle the spark in your relationship and have way more fun in the bedroom!