Reader’s Request Fridays: I’m Afraid Of Looking Weird When I Orgasm!
This week’s question comes from Marissa* who writes, “I can orgasm just fine on my own, but I have a hard time getting there with a partner. I find myself worried about making funny faces or noises, and then I get so distracted that I know I’ll never come.”
Female orgasm is a delicate process, and it can get derailed quite easily. One distracting thought, one awkward stroke, and it can feel like you’re having to start all over again.
One of the biggest blockages to reaching climax is worrying about what you look like.
Whether it’s feeling concerned about your stomach looking fat in a certain position, or anxious about the faces you might make during the moments of orgasm itself, this self-consciousness can really get in the way of experiencing pleasure.
The fears you have may be tied into other self-esteem issues, but I have a couple of tips for helping prevent this orgasmic distraction.
Remind yourself what’s really important
Admitting the truth about what’s happening can be the greatest motivator. Let’s look at what’s going on here.
You are preventing yourself from enjoying sex because you’re worried about your face looking weird. You’re prioritizing looking pretty over experiencing the most incredible pleasure your body is capable of feeling.
What’s that like to acknowledge?
Adjust your thinking
I’ve talked to my male clients and friends about this question, and the overwhelming response has been that they don’t care about their partners making weird faces or strange moans during sex.
Not only that, but most men actually find these responses unbelievably sexy.
I stumbled upon an online forum where this very question was asked. Here are the first responses I read:
“The most honest answer I can think of is that women think men care about the weirdest things.”
“… women are apparently self conscious about everything I find to be incredibly sexy. The more contorted I can make [your] face, the happier I am.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen or experienced an orgasm face I found off-putting.”
“To me, the look of pleasure and enjoyment on a womans face is hot as hell.”
And this hilarious response:
“… as long as you’re [orgasming], I’m happy. Honestly. I could give a shit what face you make, I’m thinking more along the lines of ‘AWWWWW YEA SHE LIKES THIS I’M A GOD’ ”
Check out other o-faces
I’d also like to direct you to the Beautiful Agony project, which is a massive compilation of real people’s orgasm faces.
Some of the faces are pretty funny. I found myself chuckling a bit as I looked at the first few pictures.
But as I looked at more and more faces, I started to appreciate how utterly lost in pleasure and ecstasy each of these subjects seemed to be. The shapes their faces took on stopped mattering, and in fact, the pictures started to look quite beautiful.
I hope you have the same reaction!
Make a game-plan
You may not be able to completely prevent yourself from feeling anxious, so it may feel helpful to have a plan for what to do after an orgasm.
You can always frame your funny faces and awkward grunts as a huge compliment to your partner. You could tell him, “wow, I feel like I just made the strangest face during my orgasm. You made me come so hard I lost control over my body.”
I can guarantee you that your comment will bring a big smile to your partner’s face!
Interested in learning how you can have your first orgasm, or how to orgasm with a partner?
Head on over here!
*Names changed for privacy