Reader’s Request Fridays: How To Use Sex Toys
Welcome to Reader’s Request Fridays. As a reminder, I’ll be addressing one reader email per week, so if you have a specific question you’d like answered or a topic you’d like covered, please email me. If you’re interested in counseling, call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.
In this article, I offer specific suggestions for incorporating toys into your sex life. Make sure to read my introduction to sex toys as well.
Want to view my top recommendations?
Check out my curated collection right here!
Vibrators
How To Use: If it is your first time using a vibrator, the key is to go slowly. Take some time to warm yourself up first. Try to create a private, relaxing and sensual atmosphere. Run your hands over your body, use fantasy, or watch porn to get yourself in the mood.
When you feel sufficiently aroused, turn the vibrator on to the lowest setting, and gently move it around your clitoris. Just notice how the sensation is different from what you’re used to.
Then, give yourself some time to experiment with a few different techniques, and see what works for you. Try holding the vibrator in place. Try moving it side-to-side, up-and-down, or around in circles. Try teasing yourself with it. Try using it on different settings. Try inserting it.
When you feel yourself nearing orgasm, stop experimenting and keep doing what you are doing!
If you have a partner, you can incorporate vibrators into your sex life together. You can try allowing your partner to watch you use the vibrator. You can have your partner use the vibrator on you, or try using it on them. You can hold bullet vibrators against your clitoris during penetrative sex, or insert phallic-shaped vibrators during oral sex.
Lubrication
How To Use: Men and women can use lubricant during masturbation. It will provide very different stimulation, and will prevent your hands from pulling or tugging at your skin. You can also use lube while you touch each other.
Lube can also be used during intercourse, even if you think you produce enough natural lubrication on your own. Lube lasts longer than natural lubrication, and creates a wonderful slippery feeling. Women can try putting lube on their clitorises, which will create greater stimulation and potentially lead to orgasm!
Another important function lube serves is to decrease pain during sex. The tissues in the vaginal canal are extremely delicate, and can chafe or tear if they start to get even slightly dry during intercourse. A lot of women experience mild discomfort during sex, and don’t realize that this is the cause.
You can also use high-quality lube as a massage oil.
PC Balls
How To Use: Put some lube on the balls, then insert them into your vaginal canal. Try squeezing your muscles around the balls, as if you were cutting off your flow of urine.
Practice squeezing and releasing 30 times in a row. Or practice squeezing and holding the squeeze for up to 15 seconds at a time.
You can also try performing different activities with the balls inside of you, such as housework, light exercise, or running errands. As you move around, smaller orbs inside the balls vibrate, creating pleasurable sensations!
Male Masturbators
How To Use: Place the sleeve over your penis and masturbate as usual. These types of toys are designed to produce stimulation similar to intercourse, so it will be very different than your usual masturbation experience!
You can also have your partner use the masturbator on you.
Cock Rings
How To Use: Place the cock ring around the base of your penis. Make sure it is snug, but not uncomfortably tight. It’s important that you have the ability to remove it at any point.
Once the cock ring is on, take a moment to notice the difference in your erection. It should feel a lot stronger and more intense.
You can try masturbating or having your partner give you a hand job with the ring in place. You can also keep it on while you have sex.
A quick safety note – don’t leave the ring on for an extended period of time. 
Bondage Toys
How To Use: While some of these toys might seem intimidating to someone who has never used them before, bondage toys can be incorporated into your sex life in very simple ways.
Blindfold your partner and touch their body slowly. Their lack of vision will heighten their other sensations, so even the most subtle types of touch will be exciting. You can try teasing your partner, using different objects to touch them, or feeding them.
Use a silk scarf or restraints to tie your partner’s hands together or to a bed post, and gently taunt them by starting and stopping your touch. Agree to take turns tying each other up and “having your way” with each other.
You can purchase paddles lined with soft fabric and lightly spank each other.
When using these types of toys, you and your partner might want to agree to use a safeword. Pick a random, non-sexual word that you would not normally utter during a sexual encounter – something like balloon, purple, penguin, or stairs. Partners should agree to immediately stop whatever they are doing if one person utters the safeword. Knowing that there is a safeword in place often helps people feel more comfortable with sexual exploration.
Novelty Items
How To Use: Try bringing a different novelty toy into the bedroom once a month. You can pick things together with your partner, take turns choosing, or pull out something new when your partner isn’t expecting it.
Remember that using novelty items doesn’t always have to be seductive; being playful and silly with each other can be just as intimate as being sexual!